Monday, February 23, 2009

Planning Wedding = Nesting Instinct

Photos Courtesy of Chewing the Cud

With shows about Bridezillas, and Nightmare Weddings - it is just as likely that a bride will feel self conscious about her wedding, as it is for her to go crazy with it. In fact, many of the brides I work with are overly apologetic about things such as "wasting my time," or "being too picky."

It's your party girls - live it!

Let's face it, women are all a little bit crazy when it comes to getting hitched, but I would like to argue that there is historical precedent for this!

In Europe, and even in the frontier days of America, it was common for a woman's mother to start her dowry or dowry chest when she was an infant. Women learn to anticipate this great coming together, where a woman leaves her tribe and joins that of another. She prepares for it mentally, and in many countries and cultures women still make physical preparations such as amassing linens and household items to bring with her to new her home.

In modern America most women do not have a dowry chest. We do not sit around coal burning stoves and embroider pillow cases for a future life we don't even have a glimpse of yet. In fact, most psychologists would probably deem this type of anticipation unhealthy.

Despite the possibility of running amok against 100 years of psychological research, the secret anthropologist in me sees the parallel between getting married and the nesting instinct and finds it to be a beautiful expression of love, and emerging independence.

Planning a wedding is a chance for a woman to show her family, her friends, and most of all - her husband - how seriously she takes their marriage and partnership.

If you need help relating to your future bride, or sister who is getting married, or best friend, then picture this:

A blue jay building her nest, frantically adding scraps of newspaper, pieces of grass, old leaves and even her own feathers! She is past the mating stage. She is finished preening for on-lookers and potential suitors. She is now in the process of making her bed, so that she can lie in it.

Getting married is the first phase in building a home with your new partner, and best friend. There's no shame in that!

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